'Santa is a huge part of Christmas!': Parent criticized for telling 6-year-old daughter that santa isn't real

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 29, 2023 9:00 AM EST

There's this growing sentiment in modern parenting that we should never lie to our children, that, if we do, they may one day grow up to resent us for giving them an unrealistic view of the world. 

Maybe, just maybe, that desire for a more realistic and grounded approach stems from the fact that we were raised being told that we could be whatever, whoever, and wherever we wanted to be when the reality is that all of those things cost money and if you don't have enough money to go, be and do everything you were told you could do. You'll soon find yourself 31 years old, having never traveled, and wishing you could have children… but kids are a little out of the question when you can't even get a dog because you're still renting and living with roommates, and the landlord won't allow it.

So, yeah, I get wanting your kids to grow up with realistic expectations of the world they're entering, but when the reality is this grim, at least give the kids a chance to experience the wonder and mystery of Christmas morning before they have a mortgage hanging over their head that's accruing a crushing level of interest that they may never fully repay.

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  • 01
    Posted by u/AcademicPainting23 5 hours ago AITA for telling my 6 year old that Santa isn't real? I (39 M) was watching the movie Elf with my wife (32) and 6 year old daughter. We reach the scene where the elves are working on Santa's sled to make it fly because not enough people believe in Santa. My daughter latches on to this and just keeps asking,"Is Santa real?". Her mother said yes, but my daughter kept asking me as well. I said, "Santa is a great idea, and a lot of fun, but no he is not rea
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  • 02
    For some context, I love Christmas, but I didn't get to celebrate Christmas until I had a family of my own. I was raised in a family whose religion prohibited Christmas. I couldn't wait to get out and experience all the moments I missed. So we do Christmas as big as we can. All the stereotypical traditions. And for the past five Christmases I've passively went along with the Santa idea with my daughter, even though I told my wife that I didn't like lying to
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  • 03
    her, and I didn't see the point in lying about something that would eventually come out no matter what. I also told my wife that I wouldn't lie if I was ever asked. Well the moment finally came. She asked me and I said he wasn't real. At first my daughter was fine. My wife gave her some long explanation as to why she is lucky we get her presents. My daughter didn't really like this explanation and was upset. We both told her that some parents work really
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  • 04
    hard to convince their kids that Santa exists, and that she shouldn't try to convince kids otherwise. My wife definitely felt like I should have lied. Eventually my wife asked my daughter if learning that Santa wasn't real changed how she feels about Christmas, and my daughter said "kinda". My wife thinks I should have lied; that kids believing in Santa is harmless, and that I can't
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  • 05
    relate to Christmas from a child's perspective because I didn't have those experiences. I think we played along with a tradition for as along as we could, but when my daughter directly asked me, the truth was the better option. I can't really walk this one back, and we all will have a good holiday, but AITA?
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  • 06
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AITA for telling my 6 year old daughter that Santa isn't real. My wife thinks that kids believing in Santa is harmless, but I think I should not lie to my daughter when she directly asked me if he is real.
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  • 07
    Grilled Stuffed Dragon 14 hr. ago Professor Emeritass [73] A very mild YTA. It isn't that you told your daughter too soon or something, it's that you decided to directly contradict your wife in front of your daughter. You could (read: should) have deflected answering directly, then had a conversation in your wife in private about when to broach the topic of Santa's existence to your daughter. Kind of a thing to hear your wife tell your daughter "Yes he's real" and then you immediately go against
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  • 08
    Caspian41364 hr. ago Pooperintendant [64] YTA There isn't any harm in believing in the magic of Santa as a kid. I don't know anyone who is upset they were lied to about it, including my own kids. Santa is a huge part of Christmas for those that believe and you just ruined that part of
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  • 09
    Christmas for your daughter. When mine got old enough to really start questioning it (around age 10) I told them that he's not really real but the magic surrounding the belief is...as in Christmas magic, the kindness, the giving, being with friends and family, the whole feeling a lot of us get around Christmas. That's what Santa is.
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  • 10
    The big AH part is how you directly contradicted your wife in front of your daughter and told your daughter to lie to her friends. All you had to do was go along with it and have a discussion with your wife about it in private, not undermine her in front of your own kid. Now
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  • 11
    your 6 year old has to listen to her friends getting excited about Santa, and even though you told her not to tell anyone (aka lie to them), she'll probably slip because she's so young. So while you were so worried about lying to her, you told her to lie to others. Do you see the issue with this? 790 Reply Share
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  • 12
    Finnegan7921. 5 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [26] YTA. 6 years old is still young enough to believe. You kind of ruined it for her b/c I'm guessing some if not most of her friends who celebrate Christmas still believe in Santa. Your wife telling her "Yes" was a clear signal. 441 Reply Share ●●●
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  • 13
    Philip_J_Fry3000 · 5 hr. ago. edited 5 hr. ago Aficionado [10] Are you sure you will ALL have a good holiday? Based on how your daughter answered your wife's question I think it is a safe bet that at least one of you won't, possibly two. I somehow doubt you love Christmas as much as you claim if you were willing to take the chance that everyone was still going to have a good holiday after revealing this. YTA EDIT: was the we in the we will all still have a good holiday just you trying to use the
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  • 14
    JimmyAutosXOD. 5 hr. ago You've been playing along with the Santa charade for five years, and when your daughter finally asks, you decide to drop the truth bomb in the middle of Elf? Smooth move. Your wife has a point; you could've kept the magic alive a bit longer. Your rigid stance about not lying might be commendable, but it's Christmas, man! You could've
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  • 15
    handled it more tactfully, maybe discussed it with your wife beforehand. Now your daughter's Christmas spirit is "kinda" ruined, and it's on you. My kids are still firm believers in Santa Claus. They're at that age where the excitement is contagious, and I'll be damned if I'm the one to tell them the truth. It's all about the magic of the season. Yeah, you might have been technically honest, but you're also the guy who killed Santa for his 6- year-old. You're definitely the Grinch in this Christ
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  • 16
    OnTheMcFly 5 hr. ago ● YTA the kid was allowed 2 holidays that they'd probably actually remember and you felt the need to ruin the joy of Christmas for the rest of their life. This isnt just material, this is parent material. You're not talking to some rational adult that needs to grow up, youre left to ensure a child can grow up as a child in this heartless, cruel, up world. You being physically incapable of playing along says something about you. Reply Share 166 ●●●
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  • 17
    snoringpanda23 · 4 hr. ago. edited 43 min. ago I wasn't remotely upset with my parents for "lying" to me when I found out he wasn't real. I'm SO glad I had the magic of Santa to believe in until I was 7/8 years old. It really was magical, coming down stairs to find the carrots and cookies gone. I'm thankful my parents went along with that. I also had the brains
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  • 18
    to not take it personally or feel betrayed - I understood they weren't LYING as such, they were doing it for my benefit. Really hate this trend of "we shouldn't lie to our children" about absolutely EVERYTHING. It's okay to lie sometimes. I highly doubt the myth of Santa Claus is going to cause lifelong trust issues. 133 Reply Share
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  • 19
    mystisai 5 hr. ago Partassipant [1] YTA And I adore how you are dictating how the future is going to go; | we all will have a good holiday You hope you will, but who knows for sure. 91 ↓ Reply Share
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  • 20
    Broken ManSyndrome 5 hr. ago ● YTA. Kinda sounds like you hate Christmas and wanted to make sure your child does too. 78 Reply Share OpalLaguz 3 hr. ago OP is definitely bitter he never got to experience the "Christmas magic" growing up and was absolutely primed to ruin it for his own child. Definitely the AH. 40 Reply Share
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